a new project

When I said in my last post that one of my goals for the month was a project, I really hadn't expected to get my hands dirty. I thought I'd sit at my computer, sort through pictures and create something interesting. Instead I bought a desk. Not what you were expecting right? Me either. 

april's resolutions

I already feel like this month is going to be a bust and it's barely started, to the point that I almost hesitate to tell you my April resolutions for fear that I'm not going to accomplish any of them. March was very stressful and hectic with the move, causing most of those goals to be put on the back burner. "Taking time to be silly" and "being delighted" especially seemed to completely slip my mind when I got too overwhelmed, which was when I could have used those skills the most. But I'm trying to be consistent and make the time and be adaptable in spite of the stress I'm feeling so here we go with April's goals. 

on relocation

I've been kind of lax on keeping up with the postings (again) but it's because we're getting ready to move (again). The place we've been staying in belongs to a very dear friend of mine who was kind enough to rent it to us until we found somewhere else or they moved back into the state, whichever came first. We've been so blessed to be able to live here because, although smaller than our last home, it has cost us decidedly less to maintain also. This has allowed us to pay off all ALL of our not inconsiderable debt months before we thought we could. That means when the opportunity came along for us to rent a larger, newly renovated house we were able to jump at the chance. 

finding the fun

My days are occupied with things that must and have to be done. When I do find a few minutes of me time, I usually don't even know what to do with myself. I don't want to spend my "fun" time doing things that aren't fun for me. It's about time I figure out what I enjoy. 

digging deep

Where did all of my money go when I was single? Probably to clothes and such. Yeah, definitely clothes. How about when we were married without a child? More clothes? Eating out? Vacations? Definitely not savings. I wish I could go back in time to smack myself upside the head and say "Listen, you don't need more shoes. You need to save and not put things on credit." Because here I am, however many years later, relearning everything my parents taught me about saving and debt. By this time next week we'll be completely out of debt, except for Jason's student loans, for the first time in 7 years. Seven years and who knows how much discretionary income thrown away. Gosh we were stupid! But better late than never as they say. And since life is under no obligation to give us what we want (Margaret Mitchell), I'll just have to make the changes for myself. Which is why I'm going to start doing something I told myself I just didn't have time for. Ladies and gents, starting now, I will begin price matching and couponing. Le sigh. 

taking back the garage

One of my resolutions last month was to de-clutter the house as a whole but the garage in particular. The house we're currently renting is a tad bit smaller than our previous house (okay more than a tad) so many of our possessions have remained in the garage as we just don't have any other place for them. What made it in from the garage are mainly essentials and decorating wasn't a priority since we didn't know how long we'd be renting here. This left many, many articles stored in boxes heaped haphazardly against the walls of the garage; needful, obsolete, aspirational and outgrown clutter alike. I like to categorize things into these four groups because then I know what I'm dealing with. 

march's resolutions

I'm not sure how it happened, but before I knew it, February was over and it was March. Which is fine, I just wasn't really prepared for it. It seems I can barely get the hang of a month when it's over. Oh well. New month, new resolutions. On we go.

progress

I've been a little MIA the last couple of weeks. Like one of my Secrets of Adulthood says - it's easy to get excited about a big project but harder to stay excited during the day to day maintenance. And that's what happened. All my good intentions flew out the window when life became a little too hectic. Being bipolar, I don't deal with stress very well. It seems to bring on either major depressive or manic episodes, or in this case, one right after the other. So I cut out blogging for a time. And since we cannot start over, all I can do is begin now to make a new ending (Zig Ziglar). So I will put the past little bit aside and begin by taking stock. 

this mom's life

Absolutely nowhere have I found where it says being a mom would be easy. Instead there are books, magazines and websites devoted to making the tough parts bearable. And there are tough parts; headaches and struggles to feel adequate at this job most of us chose to do. For me it was a definite choice. A choice to spend every waking moment caring for and teaching a completely helpless, growing human being. A choice to be, for the first few years at least, the sole repository of knowledge and learning. A choice to have everything I say taken for truth, for good or ill. And to have everything I say repeated back for all to hear at the worst possible moments. But it's been a choice that I am forever grateful I decided to make. For every parenting failure where I've neglected to keep my cool over spilled milk, there are an equal number of spontaneous hugs with chubby little arms thrown around my neck. 

beginning my weight loss journey

There have been very few times in my life when I felt I was the weight I wanted to be. In high school I danced every day and didn't know how in shape I was and wouldn't have believed you if you told me. Then college started and so did the weight gain. I wasn't dancing anymore and all day spent at a desk was taking its toll. Then my final year of college I started working out with a friend who was a personal trainer. I got into the best shape I've ever been in. Working out four days a week for two hours created a leaner shape that I loved. Then I got married and packed on the pounds. 

an adventure

Yesterday we had an adventure. Jason had the day off so we decided to get out and visit the new outlet mall that's only six miles from home. It was unusually cool and overcast (unusual considering the day before I was wearing shorts) so we grabbed our coats, packed up the stroller and headed out. And we no sooner parked than it started to rain. Hard. A torrent of rain. At the outdoor mall. 

do unto others

I read this essay recently from the Power of Moms website. Do Unto Others is an insightful look at asking for and accepting help. I know that, most times, my first instinct is to avoid help from others. Particularly as a mom. I want to seem confident and collected even when things are falling apart. Especially then.

on budgeting better

It makes me cringe how disorganized my budget has become. I'd never let my house, my child or my hair become this untidy. Yet I somehow ignored my budget problem until it has permanent bed-head and spinach stuck in its teeth. What a mess! Luckily, I'm not the only person who has let their finances run amok. There are websites, books and self-help pros just waiting to help me. Also luckily, my budget isn't that far gone that it needs professional help. Yet.

de-clutter, organize and clean up

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." William Morris

I mentioned how much I love organizing in my last post and it's true. I find great inner satisfaction from cleaning and making things tidy. I also find I'm in a better mood when my house is cleared of junk. But, as you can imagine, having a child doesn't lend itself to a clutter-free home. Instead, I usually just clean around her mess and leave her toys and such until the end. The nighttime clean up has become a real life-saver. It allows me to ignore my obsessive-compulsive behaviors for a time, knowing that I can satisfy them later.

february's resolutions

Have you noticed how I like making lists? I do. I love it. They immediately make me feel more organized. And unless it's written down or put on the calendar, for me, it doesn't exist. I'm very bad at keeping a running list in my head. Some can keep track of important deadlines without a reminder; I'm not one of those people. Also, lists just look so tidy and decisive. They make me feel like a grown-up. So with that said, on to February's list of resolutions.

some simple truths of adulthood

I've been thinking about these Simple Truths of Adulthood ever since I came across them. They were explained thusly: life lessons learned with some difficulty growing up; things we wish we had known all along but that only come with some perspective. 

I'm completely intrigued by the idea of "wish I had known then what I know now." Who hasn't wished at some point that the lessons learned could maybe have been easier or more timely? So these are some of the simple truths that I've encountered in my life. 

my personal commandments

Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project (my own resolutions guru) has what she calls her Twelve Commandments - 12 precepts underlining everything she does. In this vein I decided to come up with my own personal commandments; something to encourage and keep my focus on what is important as I struggle through my resolutions. I came up with eight. 

penny's first trip to the dentist

My big girl had her very first dental appointment today. It was all very exciting for me since I got to be on the viewing end instead of actually in the chair. She did really well sitting still, opening her mouth and following all the instructions. I thought there might be a tantrum brewing when she started spitting out the toothpaste because she didn't like the taste but the dental tech handled her effortlessly and just wiped it all out for her. Overall, I was impressed with the dental office and very delighted at Penny's big milestone. 

the nagging task

I've been trying to accomplish at least one nagging task every day. I make a pile and a list (if it's not written down for me, it doesn't exist) and set it on my place at the kitchen table. That way, when I sit down for breakfast, I have no chance to ignore it. I try to choose the most important of these tasks and arrange those at the top. The ones that can wait a bit, usually for lack of money, are towards the bottom. Make an appointment with a new psychiatrist - top of the list. Make an appointment to get the cat's teeth cleaned - bottom of the stack.

back to the treadmill

I try not to think of exercising as a chore but, really, it always ends up feeling that way.  Clean the bathrooms, put on a load of laundry, do the dishes, exercise. All require effort and intention to complete. At least exercise offers me that same rush of a job well done that the other chores elicit. Over the years I've kept up with all the latest tips and trick that exercising gurus recommend for getting off the couch and working out. None have affected me so much as these two pieces of advice I came across recently:

january's resolutions

Since the beginning of January I have been trying to decide on how to split my resolutions. There are 25 of them all together and I know if I tried to adopt them all at once I would just struggle and probably give up. I considered having each month focus on one aspect of my goals such as parenting, marriage or home life. Instead I just chose the ones that I felt the most urgency in starting and made those January's. Easy peasy. By breaking the lot down into manageable bits I hope to avoid getting overwhelmed but still keep my enthusiasm high. I'm counting on the novelty of adding new resolutions each month to keep everything fresh. 

new year, new project

My first thought was to reject the whole idea. How many years had I been making New Year's resolutions and failing to keep them after the first month? Ten years? Twenty? But this year I felt differently about the endeavor. For the past few months I haven't been very happy. Or rather, I haven't been as happy as I think I should be. I've been tired, grumpy and impatient. I have so many wonderful things in my life, things to be grateful for and I seem to be taking it all for granted. I was struck by the urge to do better.