what kind of day has it been?

Things I did today:

* force-fed the cat medicine that causes him to leak poop
* followed the cat around wiping his butt
* called the vet
* changed the sheets after the cat leaked poop all over them
* cleaned the carpet
* cleaned the chair
* changed 5 diapers
* changed 2 sets of baby clothes
* made 6 bottles of formula, 1 of prune juice
* cleaned spit-up prune juice
* did 2 loads of laundry
* loaded the dishwasher
* cleaned the kitchen
* burnt my hands because the faucet doesn't know the difference between warm and OH-MY-GOSH-I-WILL-KILL-YOU hot
* went into the snow to feed the ducks
* played peek-a-boo, danced, sang, ate feet
* carried around a baby who cried whenever I put her down

Things I did NOT do today:

* shower
* brush my teeth
* brush my hair
* exercise
* eat lunch

I'd like to punch whoever said being a stay at home mom isn't a full-time job.

6 months

Dear Twiddlebug,

You can crawl! And it's amazing, awesome and hilarious all at the same time. That first time you lunged a few inches I thought your smile would make your head explode. You were so astounded by what you could do. And you haven't stopped since. So far you won't venture very far from your blanket but I know soon we'll have to start moving things off shelves and baby-proofing cabinets.



Your bottom teeth haven't come in all the way yet and some days that leaves you cranky as a baby can be. But despite the crankiness, you are such a happy child. There is so much laughter just from letting you kiss us. And by "kiss" I mean lick and slobber uncontrollably all over our cheeks until the ick factor gets too high. But like Daddy says - we don't wipe off your kisses, just the slime.



You've started imitating more of the noises that Daddy and I make. Your favorite is a version of our "I'm gonna get you" shriek. Except yours is screamed at more of a banshee-being-eaten-by-a-wolverine level. You've also learned the art of blowing raspberries and love to let everyone within a half mile radius know you can do it.



You love when Mommy and Daddy play with you but you're also content to just lay on your blanket and eat your toys. I've truly never seen such a happy baby. You giggle, snort and smile until I think your cheeks will crack. Sometimes I want to run into your room and wake you up just so I can see your happy face. Bad days don't exist around a smile like that.









Love, Mama

threw my caution to the wind

EEEEEEE!

I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! Sometimes printed words just cannot convey the true emotional energy behind them. Because if they could these little words would be bouncing around this blog more than an Oompa Loompa after Veruca Salt went down the bad-egg chute. There's thrill and anticipation and extremely good posture to be had because...

I signed up for a ballet class this summer!

That's right. Me and Ballet will be gettin' it on this June. I'd been looking all over the interwebs for something to do with some of my free time. I considered learning to crochet or become a better photographer (still both viable possibilities for later). But when searching the Community Education classes that Utah Valley University offers I came across a beginning ballet class and I began to bounce. I bounced in my seat. I bounced around the house. I bounced up and down in front of Jason when he said we could afford the class.

EEEEEE!

Hooray for the dancing! I LOVE to dance. It is one of my favorite things to do on the planet. Right up there with eating baby cheeks. And I haven't danced in over 10 years. Other than just around the house while I'm cleaning. The last time I truly danced was during 3 years of high school. Before that was ballet, jazz and tap from ages 6-10. No ballet for almost 20 years. And that's why I chose a class for those with no prior experience.

Am I nervous? You bet.

Am I afraid I'll make a total fool of myself? A little bit.

Am I excited beyond reasonable belief? Hells Yeah!

I don't know how I'm going to contain all this excitement until June.

the house that 'if' built

I am very far from where I started. I know this. I look back and know my life would have turned out differently. And as sad as it is, I am extremely happy for how it has been. In movies they sometimes show that 'one single event' in a person's life that transforms and changes their whole path. In real life it's hard to see the end when you're at the beginning. But 10 years ago something happened that completely altered my path through life. Ten years ago today, my best friend Bobbe died in a car accident.

We were a year out of high school and knew it all. We had been inseparable since junior year. Where one was, the other was also. We were now both in college preparing for our futures. I was going to be a high school English teacher. Bobbe wanted to be a dentist. I was working at the Disney Store in the mall and she was working at the AZ Diamondbacks' Ballpark. We knew what we wanted and we knew we were going to do everything together. We were going to live next door to each other. Raise our kids together. Grow old still being best friends. And in one horrific day - she was gone.

I can't even begin to explain how earth shattering this was. I was delirious. Furious and hateful at God and the universe, pleading that it had all been a dream.

Slowly, oh so slowly, I began to get back on my feet. And slowly I pulled my world together. I didn't do it alone. I had help. Medication, therapists. But mostly my family and hers.

Life began to change. I question all the time - Would I still be the same person? How different would my world be? I do know this -

I wouldn't have taken a semester off of school and eventually changed my major to Marketing. I wouldn't have taken a new job at the Municipal Court in Phoenix then worked there for 5 years. I wouldn't have spent most of my time with Bobbe's cousin Angie, becoming more like family than friends. I wouldn't have gotten my BS in Global Business and after graduating gone to visit Angie who had moved to Utah. I wouldn't have felt the pressing need to move there too. The Provo court wouldn't have hired me a week after I moved without my previous job experience.

I wouldn't have become friends with a deputy, who knew Jason, and set us up on a blind date. I wouldn't have met, fallen madly in love with and married the perfect man for me. And we wouldn't have the most precious little girl in the world.

I wouldn't have done all of the other million things in the last 10 years that have made me the person that I am.

I don't know what the future would have been if Bobbe hadn't died but I know I miss her terribly. I wonder all the time where I would be if she were still here. Sometimes I don't want to know the answer. But most of the time I just miss her and wish she could share this with me.

things my husband says

Him: If I were a duck I'd like steak, ponies and gold.

IN. MY. PANTS.

I think I've mentioned before how much I hate ants. And I do. I hate them. A lot. So much with the hating. Then I kept finding them in the house. First I was annoyed. Then frustrated. Then just all out furious. Every time I'd see one the itching would start. Then the yelling and finally the jumping up and down. Which jumping up and down on ants doesn't actually kill them. Just so you know.

They kept sneaking around our house, crawling up through the weave up the carpet. They'd swarm over the cat's food and then wander around looking for more. Hundreds and hundreds. Searching, sneaking, crawling, itching. I'd have to shower every time I dealt with them.

We tried moving the cat's food. We sprayed outside. We used child/pet friendly pesticide inside. And every morning there they were. Still crawling. Sneaking. Burrowing into my brain. They finally broke me when I went to use the bathroom, pulled down my pants and there was an ant - CRAWLING ON MY LEG!

At that point, I didn't care if an exterminator was in the budget or not. We were going to pay the money or pay for my housing at the mental health facility. Turns out spraying and baiting ants doesn't cost that much. The man was quick, thorough and cheap. He sprayed the entire house for $35 and even found the anthill outside and doused that for free. And we haven't seen an ant in the house for 3 days.

Turns out my sanity can be bought for less than dinner and a movie.

i'll be in my dressing room.

I AM a star! You've just been blinded by my greatness.



Without me, there would be no such thing as motion pictures.



I *am*big. It's the pictures that got small.



All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.




(We found a wig that belonged to Jason's grandma. I couldn't resist.)