Dear Penelope,
Everyone told me that time would just fly by while you were a baby. That before I know it you'll be walking and talking. What I didn't expect was for time to strap on a jet pack and roller skates. You're still so little and already have so much personality.
And then today, when I least expected it, you completed a HUGE milestone. You rolled over! This was your first attempt last night. You only got onto your side and couldn't quite make it over.But then this morning during tummy time you astounded me. Your favorite toy, Timothy Elephant, was just out of reach and, girl, you were determined.
You're getting so strong now. You can hold yourself up on your arms when laying on your stomach. You even propped yourself up like a tripod - butt on the blanket and arms stretched in front - when we were playing the other morning. You love to talk and coo every chance you get but become completely distracted when I try to film you doing it. I swear you'll be talking any day now.
Baths are still your favorite time of the day. You and Daddy splash and giggle until your toes get wrinkly and you've eaten half the wash cloth. We started you on a nighttime routine and you've taken to it like a champ. You eat some, bath time, a little more food, hugs and kisses and then you go down for bed. And for the past week or so, you've gone to sleep without a peep. Daddy sings you a song and you're down for the night. I can't tell you how much stress your going to bed earlier has relieved. Mama was going out of her mind staying up until 2am with you. Now you're in bed between 6:30pm and 7pm. Mama and Daddy make it to bed around 11. And in the morning you're all smiles and laughs.
And you poop rainbows and unicorns.
Love, Mama
Last night seemed like the longest of my life. Longer than the 4 months spent waiting for our wedding. Longer than the 9 months spent pregnant. Way longer than the 4 years in high school. Lately I've had some problems with getting Penelope to sleep at a decent hour. I know babies don't have schedules - they're babies! - but they definitely need their sleep. And getting to sleep after 2am every night was beginning to wear on me. The last two weeks my depression has flared vehemently. I've felt in turn inadequate, stupid, powerless and ill-equipped at being a mother. Jason has done what he can but he has to get up early for work and four hours of sleep doesn't work well for him either. So she and I rock while watching Animal Planet at 1am. And all the frustration at being the only one awake to deal with this soon transmorphs into resentment that I'm doing this alone. Which, of course, is not the case at all. But a sleep-lacking brain cannot be reasoned with.
So after a few nights of crying myself to sleep, Jason and I decided we would start Penny on a sleep schedule sooner than the book recommended 4 months. First we tried laying with her in the bed with us. It was about 9:30pm and she wiggled and fussed until 10:30. She was still hungry so I fed her and laid her back down. And still she wiggled. And still I cried in frustration. So Jason made the executive decision. We put her in her crib in the nursery at 11pm, turned on the baby monitor, closed the door and watched The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Not a movie I'd recommend for just any occasion but for trying to ignore the heart-breaking screams coming from the other room, it did an OK job.
She screamed and cried for an hour and a half. And I sat cuddled in Jason's arms and cried with her. It wasn't her crying that broke my heart. It was the fact that I had to let her cry. She had to cry it out and learn to soothe herself. A very hard lesson for a 3 month old to learn and an even harder one for her 28 year old mother to accept.
Morning came even sooner than I thought it would and I could hardly believe I had actually slept. Penny woke about 8:30am, all smiles and coos. She went down for her morning nap early and slept three hours. She ate again, we played and then she went back down for her afternoon nap. Two naps! Without fuss! It may have been the longest night of my life but apparently it was worth it.
