when the hormones run rampant

I sit here, with tissue in hand, to bring up a very serious issue that I feel has yet to be addressed concerning pregnant women.

There are millions of pregnant women out in the world who, every day, may find themselves in the same position I did. They're at home, just being pregnant, looking for something to watch on TV when they notice a Hallmark Channel movie. So they turn it on. And that's when all the problems begin.

Not a single time, before any of these movies, do they warn pregnant women about the horrible things that can happen to them if they watch their channel. They don't tell them about the runny nose, hiccuping sobs or uncontrollable crying that can occur when watching a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie.

I would like to start a petition demanding that Hallmark issue a warning before any such program, advising any pregnant women out there that they should not watch one of their programs unless they are willing to become a crumpled crying mess afterward, with only Kleenex and looks of "I told you so" from their husbands to comfort them.

If you are interested in signing this petition, please comment on this blog and I will do all in my power to stop Hallmark Channel from ruining the make-up of thousands of hormonally challenged pregnant women every day.

what the good doctor knows

Maybe it's been Divine Intervention or just old fashion Lady Luck but, since I moved to Utah, I've had really good luck picking doctors. I inherited my awesome dentist upon my marriage since that's who Jason saw. The first doctor's office was picked out of desperation when I came down with strep and bronchitis at the same time. The doctor I ended up seeing there was a great doctor for 2 and a half years until she moved to another practice 20 miles away. I stayed with that office out of indifference until I knew we were going to start trying for a baby.

That's when I opened our medical provider directory and pointed to a name, called the office and got an appointment. They got me in quickly and without a lot of fuss. The first few times I saw the Physicians Assistant, who if I had met outside of the office, we would have become fast friends. Now that I'm seeing the Doctor monthly, I have really begun to see how fortunate I was in choosing them. I went into the doctor yesterday for my monthly check up with a list of things I was concerned about. The doctor came in, asked how I was and immediately let me get to my concerns before I forgot any of them. She is patient and gentle but with a no nonsense attitude that I really respond to. After answering all of my questions thoroughly she brought up a small issue that could become a greater issue later on.

She asked us whether we were interested in the Alpha-fetoprotein test that they can do at 16-18 weeks. This is the test they do to determine if your fetus has or is developing problems such as spina bifida or Down Syndrome. The downside of the test is that 30% of results are false positives. Your test could come back positive and then have a perfectly normal healthy baby. She said that all parents fall into three categories: The first category wants the test done because if it comes up positive, they would terminate the pregnancy. The second group wouldn't terminate but wants the test done because they want to know and be prepared for any problems to come. The third group wouldn't terminate the pregnancy anyway so they don't want the test done because if it was positive they would worry endlessly.

Jason and I fall into the second group for the same reason we want to know the sex of the baby before it's born....because I'm anal retentive and would be a basketcase all through the rest of the pregnancy if I couldn't be prepared for the outcome. This baby is going to be loved and adored like it was the first baby since sliced bread regardless of any problems. But the mama of this baby will be a much less stressed mama once she can be prepared for anything.

produce section

I have always relied on Google to give me the answers that no one else had, but now that I'm pregnant, it's like I'm in a codependent relationship (me being the dependent one). Any time I can't find an answer in one of my many baby books, I google it.

Is it normal to be hungry even when I'm only awake at 2am to use the bathroom?: Yes.

Will all of these hideous veins that have suddenly appeared all over my body ever go away?: Yes.

Is it normal that I can't even think about broccoli without wanting to puke?: Yes.

Do other women experience the urge to cry when they see teeny tiny baby clothes?: Yes.

Google has become a constant friend, a well informed adviser and a tool for all of those weird questions I've had. Like - how big is my baby RIGHT THIS SECOND? I seem to want to know the answer to this question a lot. And I don't want a metric measurement. I want something tangible, that I can understand with my already weakening pregnant brain. And then I found this: The Baby Size Index

It has become a favorite site to visit every week to learn what fruit my baby now resembles. Right now, baby is about the size of a peach. By next week it'll be a lemon. Which seems smaller to me than a peach but who am I to say. I didn't write the Index. I'm just glad they used fruits and vegetables. I still sometime wonder if I'm not giving birth to a small Datsun. Bikini season this year is not going to be pretty with that cantaloupe sticking out.

the spam files

While looking through my spam folder to make sure no legit mail was sent there, I noticed a trend. I have over 100 emails from some services letting me know that "A wife in your area wants to hook up (discreetly)."

What kind of sites did I have to visit to get that kind of spam? And was it the same ones that send me spam about getting my colon cleansed for cheap?

on main street

Monday it was spring! I swear it was. Bright, sunny and 70 degrees. Then this morning it looked like this -




This is not OK.

the sound of displeasure

MEHH!

MEHH! MEHH!

The noise pierced the cloud of unconscious and I rolled over to get a peek at the clock. 2:30am. Just like I thought. Wash continued to glare at me from the lofty position he had taken on top of my pillow.

MEHH!

I know and he knows but he doesn't know that I know and this is what he's trying to remedy.

Wash is going to the vet this morning so he can have a tooth extracted. It's a minor procedure that I had been hoping to avoid but it turns out it's necessary. And because anesthesia will be involved, Wash couldn't have anything to eat after 10pm last night. He didn't know this. I mean, how do you explain it to a cat?

So at 2:30am he was announcing to me that he had discovered there was no food dish where his food dish should be. Oh the horror! And he was displeased. Mightily.

Instead of trying to explain the hows and whys to my sweet kitten in the dead of night, I instead settled him into the (not for long) empty hollow in front of my belly and rubbed his head until we both fell asleep. I was seriously hoping he wouldn't remember in the morning.

Alas. Not to be. He was the first one out of bed this morning after the alarm sounded, announcing his disapproval of the situation to all who would listen. Mainly us and anyone awake within a 2 block radius.

MEHH! MEHH! MEHH! His disapproval followed me out of the house this morning. Hopefully the cocktail of tuna and antibiotic he'll get this afternoon will be enough to soothe the injustices of having such caring parents.

why i love you

I read somewhere once that you should marry a man who you would be happy if your son grew up to be just like him.

If all of our children grow up to be just like you - I would be the luckiest woman in the world.

firsts

The last 10 weeks have been filled with more excitement and anxiety than I ever thought possible. Finding out I was PREGNANT! on February 13th brought a reserved sort of elation. I was thrilled - but do you know how many things you can do wrong to hurt your baby? The list is endless.

But yesterday we heard our baby’s heart beat for the first time and all that anxiety drained away. I’m still a little paranoid about screwing something up but I’ve never been so proud to become a mother.

Sometimes I don’t know which has been worse - the physical symptoms of the pregnancy or the overwhelming knowledge that we’ll be in charge of another life in 9 months. I’ve spent the last 10 weeks fighting overpowering nausea 24 hours a day and an all-consuming exhaustion. I never threw up, but instead had to suffer the feeling that I COULD(!), at any second(!), spew my breakfast all over my desk. I’ve also slept more than I have at any other time in my life, including those few months that I had mono. Right around 8pm my eyes start to close on their own and I’d have to beg off watching the rest of whatever show is still on. Jason’s been really patient and supportive, even tucking me in every night at a time when no decent person would even think about bed.

But even the nausea is something I've come to appreciate. These things are all experiences that I now get to list under “First Times”:
First pregnancy
First experience with morning sickness
First time I heard the baby’s heart beat
First time my boobs have come alive, grown massively and taken on a life of their own (this one I’m really enjoying and so is Jason)
First time no one’s tried to stop me from eating dessert for every meal
First time I've been scared out of my mind that I might irrevocably mess another person's life up

I've never been more excited about anything, EVER!