I trust my husband implicitly. We've been through too much for me to doubt him. Nothing bad - just almost 12 years of...much-ness. I can't think of a better term than that. We've been through tough things, as you would expect after so much time together.
During our first year of marriage, I was jealous of every woman he talked to or about. The green-eyed monster would rear its ugly face until I knew exactly where that relationship stood and then I could feel superior.
Now I know where my relationship stands and I don't feel threatened by every girl that comes into his life.
But, yes, I've been jealous. I just never thought I'd be jealous of my husband.
. . . .
Everett: When will Daddy be home?
Me: I don't know.
E: But when will he be home?
M: Soon.
E: Don't say soon! When will he be here?
M: When he's done.
E: Just tell me! Grr Argg!
This conversation happens in some form every single day of my life. Both Penny and Everett LOVE their Daddy. And that's fantastic! I love that they love him and want to be around him.
All the time.
They'd pick him over me any day of the week.
And that's the hard part. I'm the one who is home with them while he's at work but they constantly ask for Jason. To be quite honest, it hurts my feelings every time. I know I'm so lucky to have a husband who's involved in our children's lives. Too many live in ignorance of the importance fathers play in the lives of their kids.
So I'm truly blessed. But that doesn't stop the sting of jealousy every time they ask for Dad instead of Mom.
Jason is the fun parent. The "I'll play with you until my limbs fall off" parent. I'm more of the practical one. The "Get your shoes on, we're going to be late!" one. I've tried being the fun one who plays all the time. I'm just not very good at it. It's not my skill set. Jason says I need to practice more. And he's right. Practice would make it a little more natural for me. Instead I just compare myself to him and that is why I fail.
I don't want to keep failing though. I truly believe there's no place for jealousy in a cohesive, happy family. So I'll keep trying to do a little better, play a little more, laugh more and remember that I'm grateful for what I have.
"You want to marry me, don't you?"
The words were out of my mouth before I had even finished the thought.
It was March 29, 2006. What was I thinking? We'd only been dating, maybe, 3 months. And here I was blurting out the first thing that came into my head.
We were standing in the cold, snow falling lightly around us, while we admired the Sundance Resort in Utah. Somehow the words had came into my mind so forcefully and truthfully that I couldn't stop myself from saying them. I knew they were true, just like I knew he loved me before he'd ever said it.
Luck was on my side that night. He chuckled and replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do. But we have time for that. What about you?" I could barely nod as I said, "I think I want to marry you too."
I thought at the time that it wasn't a true proposal. No one had gotten down on one knee with a ring but it had definitely defined the rest of our relationship. From that moment on, we knew what we were working towards.
Not too long after, I took him down to Arizona to meet my parents. They loved him right away. But the true test in my book was the 10 hours spent driving there, the 3 days with my family and the 10 hours driving back. As we pulled into his driveway after that extremely long weekend I realized I still wasn't done being near him. I adored his company above all others and he had truly become my best friend. It was a major eye-opener for me and a test of our relationship.
The official proposal with the ring came a few months later. It was sweet and mostly unexpected. He had even called my father for permission.
Like I said, the later proposal was sweet but I still recall most fondly that cold, snowy night when I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself. That's when I knew I could spend eternity with this man.
