back in the saddle

Since the last time I blogged, much has happened. I say that every time I take a hiatus from writing but it's true. Life continues and things progress whether I write about it or not.

But this time we added a whole new family member to the group. Calvin Scott Hunter was born a month early on February 21, 2019. He came out after 3 pushes with the cord wrapped around his neck twice. Luckily, it was only loosely wrapped and the bigger concerns were that he couldn't regulate his body temperature and his blood sugar was dangerously low. 

However, he's not one to stay down and after only 2.5 days in the NICU, he came home, looking like a baby doll in his big car seat, weighing in at only 5lbs 13 oz.

Yesterday we celebrated his 1st birthday and he is thriving. He's on the cusp of walking, pulling himself around furniture and climbing on things. He is a joy of a baby but he will definitely let his opinions be known when he wants something.

This year has been filled with other things too. We went on a family reunion trip with Jason's family to Colorado in June, I had a hysterectomy in November, a Thanksmas trip to Dallas in December and then I had carpal tunnel surgery last week.

Busy, fun and necessary describes this last year.

And through it all I've had very few mental health ups and downs. My medications have kept me incredibly steady (except for an incident with a breast feeding medication that I'll talk about later). I've had the normal hormonal issues that come from having a baby and a hysterectomy but I've stayed stable.

2019 was an incredible year and a great blessing to our family. So many wonderful and needed things happened. I know 2020 has already begun, but I'm excited to see what the rest of the year will bring. 

offspring

I've been re-reading some of my parenting books recently. OK, I read them all in one night. 

I have felt at such a loss as to how I should communicate and discipline my children lately. Jason helps a TON, but after he's at work, it falls to me to be the parent. The one who deals with the after-school meltdowns, the bedtime tantrums about brushing teeth and the heartbreaking sound of my baby saying "no" to hugs and kisses at bedtime. 

I'm struggling to be the kind and caring stay at home mom I always imagined I'd be - baking cookies before they came home from school to a clean house with activities ready to stave off boredom. 

Instead I've got down the basics. Feed them. Clean them. Clean up after them. Get them to bed before I have a mental breakdown. Some days that's enough. Most of the time I don't feel like it is.  

I've read through all the parenting books you see. Some are wonderfully helpful. Others - I could do without. 

It helps that I already know who my children are. 

Penny is imaginative, sensitive, fair and very animated.  
Everett is always busy, energetic, fearless and independent. 

Now these descriptions can be seen in both a positive or a negative light depending on the situation. For my purposes, I'm trying only to see the good. 

Knowing the personalities of my children is great but I don't always know the best way to interact with them. Discipline is also a struggle. I want them to understand if an action is incorrect but I don't want to kill off the innate spark of joy they both contain. There's a fine line between correcting and becoming the "mommy monster." I find myself crossing that line all the time. 

I also want to show them love in the ways they understand it best. After re-reading The 5 Love Languages for Children (a very good read, I must say) Jason and I discovered that both of our children react very positively to spending quality time with us. Either alone with one parent or together as a family. Knowing this, we have tried to set up some small parent/kid dates so they can feel that connection to us. 

I've noticed that spending a little more time paying attention instead of hurrying through the day improves sour moods almost immediately. For them as well as for me. Penny also enjoys small gifts (even if it's just a treat from the grocery store). Something to let her know you were thinking of her. Everett loves you to tell him how good he is doing at something and for us to say I love you. 

Now, these books are just outlines. I have to be the one to complete the story of how I am with my children. And every day builds a new chapter of challenges and greater insights. I love my kids fiercely and want them to grow up happy, however that develops for them. So if encouraging that involves me reading four parenting books in one night - so be it. 

Anything for these two little bugs. 

 

5 and fighting

My daughter, Penny, is five years old. A 35 pound ball of unrelenting energy that bounces around our house from one interest to the next. My child has been blessed with a remarkable creativity, an intelligence and a will to accomplish everything she imagines. All of these things will suit her well as an adult. When it comes to force of will, she's like her mother. I, too, possess a will to have things my own way. A will that says I'm the authority, the one in charge. 

Being alike in this has caused no end of strife in our home. My husband calls it the "unstoppable force meeting the immovable object." 

I'm the mom but she doesn't falter. If I say one thing, it's immediately wrong. In her mind, she's an adult with wishes and demands that she is fully expecting to be fulfilled. In her mind, she is the final authority. And I can't leave it alone. I have to correct her.