5 and fighting

My daughter, Penny, is five years old. A 35 pound ball of unrelenting energy that bounces around our house from one interest to the next. My child has been blessed with a remarkable creativity, an intelligence and a will to accomplish everything she imagines. All of these things will suit her well as an adult. When it comes to force of will, she's like her mother. I, too, possess a will to have things my own way. A will that says I'm the authority, the one in charge. 

Being alike in this has caused no end of strife in our home. My husband calls it the "unstoppable force meeting the immovable object." 

I'm the mom but she doesn't falter. If I say one thing, it's immediately wrong. In her mind, she's an adult with wishes and demands that she is fully expecting to be fulfilled. In her mind, she is the final authority. And I can't leave it alone. I have to correct her. 


When she was four, we didn't have this problem. She accepted my leadership and went about her day. But now she questions. Everything. And her favorite answer when asked to do something is NO. Even if she's currently doing it. Add her flair for dramatics and you have a war brewing. 

I think part of it stems from us being home together all the time. She's my constant companion and I rely on her a lot. I know the correct thing to do is not react at her level but I find myself acting more and more childish as the day progresses. By the time Jason gets home from work I've had it. Too many arguments, too many timeouts have separated my mighty girl and me. Every night I promise myself it will go differently. But then every day turns out pretty much the same.  

I know other parents must struggle with the same thing: A child so like themselves that they clash over every obstacle instead of hurdling it together. 

I don't know what I'm asking for in writing this. Help, suggestions, acceptance? I'm not sure. Maybe if I get it all down for posterity my behavior will change. Because that's the gist of this. I'm the one who has to change. I'm much more than 5 and should know better how to handle myself. I could put the blame on innumerable things but I'm the only one who can change my behavior. 

So maybe this is a declaration that I will do better. I have to do better. Because it's just going to get harder the older she gets. And I couldn't bear it if we grew apart as she grows up.