back in the saddle

Since the last time I blogged, much has happened. I say that every time I take a hiatus from writing but it's true. Life continues and things progress whether I write about it or not.

But this time we added a whole new family member to the group. Calvin Scott Hunter was born a month early on February 21, 2019. He came out after 3 pushes with the cord wrapped around his neck twice. Luckily, it was only loosely wrapped and the bigger concerns were that he couldn't regulate his body temperature and his blood sugar was dangerously low. 

However, he's not one to stay down and after only 2.5 days in the NICU, he came home, looking like a baby doll in his big car seat, weighing in at only 5lbs 13 oz.

Yesterday we celebrated his 1st birthday and he is thriving. He's on the cusp of walking, pulling himself around furniture and climbing on things. He is a joy of a baby but he will definitely let his opinions be known when he wants something.

This year has been filled with other things too. We went on a family reunion trip with Jason's family to Colorado in June, I had a hysterectomy in November, a Thanksmas trip to Dallas in December and then I had carpal tunnel surgery last week.

Busy, fun and necessary describes this last year.

And through it all I've had very few mental health ups and downs. My medications have kept me incredibly steady (except for an incident with a breast feeding medication that I'll talk about later). I've had the normal hormonal issues that come from having a baby and a hysterectomy but I've stayed stable.

2019 was an incredible year and a great blessing to our family. So many wonderful and needed things happened. I know 2020 has already begun, but I'm excited to see what the rest of the year will bring. 

perfection

 

Perfection. So many unhealthy thoughts come to mind when I think about being perfect. Twelve years ago, when my husband and I married, I thought I would be the perfect wife and mother. I was all set to have the perfect Instagram life even before Instagram existed. 

When we got married I was bubbly, energetic, optimistic and out-going. Over the years, and in some part due to my Bipolar Disorder, I've become introverted, overly serious and even pessimistic, though I like to call it realistic. 

I was striving for perfection in an imperfect world. I know that real people are never perfect but that didn't stop me from wanting it. I don't believe anyone is the same after 12 years of life experience, but I know I can do better. I can try to look on the positive side more instead of dreading and expecting the worst. 

 

I want my home life to function a little more smoothly and I think that needs to start with me. I don't need to be perfect, just better. I think optimism will follow from there. I want to have joyfulness for myself and for my family. Things may never be perfect but that doesn't mean we can't make it work.