we all fall down

 

Summer of 2000, when I was 19 years old, I did a college internship working at Walt Disney World. It was amazing and truly one of the best experiences of my life. 

They set us up in apartments on Disney property and I had 5 roommates who I still consider dear friends. We were paid a pittance but we didn't care. We had free park access and could roam to our hearts content on days off and after work. 

I worked exclusively at Epcot as a vacation planner. That was Disney speak for saying I sold entrance tickets to the parks. But don't get me wrong - I loved my job. I sat at a computer, in air conditioning, at the height of summer in Florida humidity. I had nothing to complain about. 

The College Program was so thorough they even bused us back and forth to wherever we wanted to go on property. That meant a ride to work every morning for me. 

On one such bus ride, I saw a cute fella sitting a couple rows behind me. He, too, was going to work at Epcot so we had the whole ride to exchange glances, smiles and even a hello. As we arrived at work, I was first to depart the bus but, suddenly, I found myself on hands and knees, bruised and shaken. I had somehow completely missed the two stairs following the first and ended up on the ground. With the cute guy right behind me. 

He quietly scooted past me and promptly left amid the laughter surrounding my little acrobatics. All I could do was laugh louder than everyone else, embarrassed, and check to make sure my pants were intact. I then hurried inside to clock into work on time.  

I told my roommates later what had happened and was able to laugh sincerely by that time. It wasn't the first time I'd fallen down and it certainly wouldn't be the last. 

I even saw the cute fella a couple times after but he never even made eye contact. I guess my clumsiness had scared him away. But who cares; who wants a man who couldn't even help me up when gravity had chosen to hold me down. 

Bruised knees and scraped palms weren't my only take away from this experience. I learned that picking yourself up after you fall is important, in all aspects of life. I laugh about it now, saying when I fall for something, I fall hard. And I think, maybe, we fall because there's something down there we're supposed to find. I found a new set of confidence that summer which has served me well in life. 

So I fell down. That's inconsequential. I picked myself up. That's the life changing part. 

the journey

In the year 2000, I had my entire life mapped out in my head. I was not quite 19 years old but I knew how life would go. 

I'd continue in my current job working at The Disney Store in the mall. I'd leave that summer for my college internship at Disney World and come back with a host of new experiences to share and use in my career. I'd keep studying in college, getting my teaching degree in high school English. Then get married. All within three years or so. I'd have three children - two boys and a girl -  and then I'd be a stay-at-home mom. The BEST stay-at-home mom, who never yelled and whose house always smelled of fresh baked bread. 

And I'd do all this with my best friend Bobbe at my side. We were two peas in the same pod and would move forward through life together, forever, Amen.

  

Then April 20, 2000 hit like a hurricane. Bobbe was in a serious car accident. She did not make it. She died and I felt like I had too. Nothing mattered anymore. 

My world had collapsed but time keeps moving. You can't change that.

I kept my college internship because everyone said it would help, being away from home for a while. And it did. I met amazing people, who, to this day, I still call my friends. When I got home from Florida, things fell apart again. I was severely depressed so I took a semester off from school to re-evaluate. I took multiple aptitude tests because teaching didn't seem right anymore. I ended up back at school in the spring with a new major - Business and Marketing. 

Because of this new major, I met and made friends with a whole new crowd of people I'd never have met otherwise. I was still sad and overwhelmed by Bobbe's death but time was passing. Quickly. 

Bobbe's family had always considered me one of their own and this led to me becoming dear friends with one of her cousins, Angie. 

More time passed. I finished school with my BS in Marketing (a degree I have never used to this day). During my final semester, Angie moved to Utah. A year later I followed her there. Honestly, I moved because I had nothing better to do. I had been working and going on lots of first dates but no second ones. All I had was time on my hands. So I moved to Utah thinking a change would do me good. 

By this time it was 2005 and losing Bobbe from my life had gotten a little easier. I was still upset that she wasn't experiencing life with me but, time heals, as they say.  

I knew the move to Utah was the right one but it was a huge leap of faith for me. I changed states with no job secured and only my savings to tide me over. Then, one week to the day, after moving in, I had a job lined up. Six months after that, I was set up on a blind date with Jason, my husband. Eight months after that, we were married. 

 

Time passes. Sometimes quicker than we're ready for. And change occurs. It's scary at times, especially for me. But had all these changes not happened I would NOT be the person I am today. It's not the life I mapped out 18 years ago but it's still pretty beautiful. 

The big question is - Do I think I'd still be where I am now if Bobbe had lived? After much consideration and thoughtful prayer, my sincere answer is no. I believe my life would have still been good with her by my side but I would absolutely not be where I am now or the person I am today. 

I tell you all this because I want you to know that I can see God's hand in my life. What started out as the most horrible change I could ever imagine, slowly morphed into a different but wonderful life. My plan for myself was not what Heavenly Father had in mind for me. The changes were subtle at times but all have led me to where I am now. 

I have learned to try and not resist change. Because who am I to know better than He? Sometimes it seems like the harder path but I always get to where I need to be. And for that, I am humbly grateful.