learning together

 

Reference this blog post, 5 and fighting.

Penny and I have started going to a family therapist together. It began as a way for her to express the anxiety she seemed to be displaying at school. It's quickly turned into therapy for me. If you've read any of my posts before, you know I'm no stranger to therapy. I just hadn't expected these sessions to be so cathartic for me. 

Penny has been doing mostly play therapy, where there is a sand tray and figurines of all kinds. She makes up a story each week and I try to figure out, with the therapist's help, what is going on in her mind that day. Hearing how she sees the world has confirmed many things I thought I already knew about my daughter. She smart. Whip-cracking smart. And funny. Kind, very empathetic and values fairness above most things.

And she can read my moods better than I can. I've learned she feeds off my anxiety a lot of the time. I've learned that she is quickly growing into her own personality, with strong likes and dislikes. She's very passionate about her feelings which can translate into a dramatic meltdown at the least little thing. This is her. 

I, on the other hand, don't handle the dramatics as well as I should. But I'm learning. I'm learning to calm myself before interacting with her tantrums. That seems to be the key. It's not as easy as it seems because my first instinct is to snap out in anger and yell. But that only compounds the heightened situation. 

So I have begun giving her options - ones she may not like but can live with. Sometimes I have her make up her own options just to give her a chance to problem solve on her own. She's wickedly smart so most of the time she comes up with better choices than I do. 

I'm also learning that I have to forgive myself for things that haven't happened yet. My biggest fear for my children is that they'll inherit my bipolar disorder. I don't want that for them. But as the therapist says - it hasn't happened yet so I should stop creating more anxiety for myself. 

Since starting weekly therapy about two and a half months ago, things have gotten better. The world is not suddenly rose-colored but Penny's daily anxiety-induced stomachaches have stopped and the frequency of tantrums has dropped. It's become something we both look forward to. 

I don't know how long we'll need this, but I'm glad to have the resources available to proceed. She's my strong, warrior child and I want all the best things in the world for her. Even if that means learning now that the world is hard but there are ways to get through it.