firsts

The last 10 weeks have been filled with more excitement and anxiety than I ever thought possible. Finding out I was PREGNANT! on February 13th brought a reserved sort of elation. I was thrilled - but do you know how many things you can do wrong to hurt your baby? The list is endless.

But yesterday we heard our baby’s heart beat for the first time and all that anxiety drained away. I’m still a little paranoid about screwing something up but I’ve never been so proud to become a mother.

Sometimes I don’t know which has been worse - the physical symptoms of the pregnancy or the overwhelming knowledge that we’ll be in charge of another life in 9 months. I’ve spent the last 10 weeks fighting overpowering nausea 24 hours a day and an all-consuming exhaustion. I never threw up, but instead had to suffer the feeling that I COULD(!), at any second(!), spew my breakfast all over my desk. I’ve also slept more than I have at any other time in my life, including those few months that I had mono. Right around 8pm my eyes start to close on their own and I’d have to beg off watching the rest of whatever show is still on. Jason’s been really patient and supportive, even tucking me in every night at a time when no decent person would even think about bed.

But even the nausea is something I've come to appreciate. These things are all experiences that I now get to list under “First Times”:
First pregnancy
First experience with morning sickness
First time I heard the baby’s heart beat
First time my boobs have come alive, grown massively and taken on a life of their own (this one I’m really enjoying and so is Jason)
First time no one’s tried to stop me from eating dessert for every meal
First time I've been scared out of my mind that I might irrevocably mess another person's life up

I've never been more excited about anything, EVER!