I’ve had a certain topic on my mind for quite awhile now. It’s a normal enough topic for a girl my age and situation to have. I’m seven and twenty (as Austen would say) and have been married for two years now. It has never been a great topic of concern or relevance until recently. Somehow this subject slipped in between the cracks of my mind a few months ago and now I am unable to rid myself of it. I honestly don’t know if it’s caused by envy or desire.
I have babies on the brain. Hello, my name is Jamie and I want a baby.
It’s not just the thought that I’d like to have a family someday. No, it’s a constant driving force. It’s almost the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning - after killing the alarm and using the bathroom. I even start thinking about it before I make my way over to kiss my husband. It’s persistent and constant. And annoying. Mainly because I don’t know if these thoughts are motivated by an actual desire to have a baby or by some secret hidden jealousy over those around me who got knocked-up before I decided to join the club.
I have two sisters-in-law who are currently pregnant. One is due the beginning of November. The other, the end of January. One is having her first child. The other, her third. There has been a steady stream of baby related talk and topics swirling around my domain lately. I have never believed in the so-called “biological clock” but lately I’m beginning to wonder. Could it be possible that my body knows I want to have children before my brain does? Or am I just envious that these women are accomplishing something before I could? Or am I just hormonal?
It better be my biological clock, because if I get pregnant out of jealousy, I’ll never forgive my hormones.
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