the time just slips by

So it's been about 4 months since I last posted. I know, FOUR MONTHS. It's just been a crazy time with no chances to catch my breath until now. Since my last post we found a buyer for the house, had to get approval for a short sale, got Jason a job, got our house-hunting hopes up, got let down, moved to Arizona and I stress-ate my way to 10 more pounds. This move and everything it entails has encompassed my every waking moment for the last little while. 

a hell of a year

A year ago I was not in a good place. I had basically made up my mind that I was going to get in the car and go. Where you ask? I still have no idea. What I was certain was that my family would be a lot happier if I wasn't there screwing it all up with my brokenness. Instead, Jason convinced me to admit myself to a mental facility. You can read about that here and here. Those were probably the hardest 5 days of my life. But once I got out I had a new motto - "It can get better." I could get better. Life could be better, happier, easier. Then came a year's worth of roller coaster side effects and medication cocktail swapping (here, here and here). It was a hard road, struggling with weight gain, self esteem issues and more depression. 

windy

We had such high winds this morning that our For Sale sign took a nose-dive and would have blown away if it wasn't tethered to the post. The winds were followed by rain, a bit of snow and thunder so loud it shook the house until the bedroom door slammed shut. It's the perfect kind of day to cuddle up and do nothing.

off the wagon

I don't mind being in a rut if it's a good rut. You know, the kind that accomplishes something. My life thrives on routine and one little thing, like being so sick I should have gone to the hospital, and it throws all of my routines out the window. BAM! I'm out of my rut, off the wagon, lost my groove - whatever you want to call it. And it takes weeks to get back into the everyday stuff. But I swear I'm trying. 


For now we're doing a lot of swinging (literally), trying to get back into the swing of things. That's all for now. 

taken down by flu-like symptoms

After four straight days spent ill in bed I finally emerged from the bedroom Saturday afternoon to enjoy the company of my mother and daughter. Yes, my mom was there as my mommy is way better than your mommy. I was so ill this past week that my mother had to fly up to take care of me and Penny since Jason had to travel down to Phoenix for testing with another police agency. That's right, I was going to be alone and seriously ill so my mom took off a day and a half of work, flew 650 miles, rented a car in the snow then drove another hour to get to the house, all on 3 hours notice. 


That is true parental love for you.


She was mainly on hand to care for Penny 24/7 and to pat me on the head while I vomited 7-10 times a day. No, that's not an exaggeration. I started the week off with a sinus infection, saw the doctor on a Friday and left with antibiotics. By Wednesday I couldn't leave the bed without stopping to rest. And I definitely couldn't leave the immediate vicinity of the bathroom for any length of time. It all started coming back to me - the sickness that wouldn't end. Turns out I had C-diff for the second time since my pregnancy. I had ended up in the hospital while pregnant because of this nasty bacterial stomach infection and could easily have landed there again. The only reason I wouldn't let anyone take me to the hospital was pure stubborn pride and stupidity. I lost 10 lbs in 3 days because I couldn't even keep liquids down. Basically the antibiotic kills off all of the good bacteria in your stomach and then you feel like you're going to die until they can get you a different antibiotic to make you feel better. 


But before they can do that they make you give a stool sample. I know, way more than you ever wanted to know about me, but that's where my mother's care was invaluable. I don't care how good of a friend you think you are, there's really only two people on this planet you can ask to transport a stool sample to the lab for you. And one of those people is your mom. 


So my mom's tending and a steady supply of two-year old anti-nausea pills got me through the weekend and she was able to fly home after Jason got back. I'm still slowly on the mend after 5 days strictly in bed but things are looking much brighter with my head finally out of the toilet.