Tells joke they just made up and isn't remotely funny.
~light chuckle~
"Mom - that was funny! Why didn't you laugh? Wasn't I funny?"
Ouch.
Kids can really cut right to it. Why hadn't I laughed? And why don't I laugh more?
The thing is, I love to laugh. Some of my fondest memories with friends and family are ones filled with laughter. Great deep belly-laughs that cause tears to stream down my cheeks. Moments that cause inside jokes that last for decades. I love those kinds of laughs.
So why don't I laugh more with my kids? I've become too serious and stern for no good reason - other than the fact that I became a mom. Motherhood has changed me. Some for the better and some definitely for the worse. My bipolar issues also certainly don't help the matter. Since my diagnosis, I've found myself the quietest that I've ever been. In my high school years, I was seriously, obnoxiously loud and silly. Laughing all the time. Now, silence and polite laughs have become my forte. And I know it's all me. When my kids want to be silly, all I can think is "Please stop interrupting what I'm doing. I'm busy."
Too busy to laugh with them....how awful is that?
I could blame it on the stressfulness of being a parent but that's crap. Everyone knows laughter can relieve stress. So it comes down to me. How do I want my home to sound? Silent as my perfect children of the corn while away hours playing by themselves? Or do I want to be part of their sweet laughter? As I've mentioned before, Jason plays the silly games and laughs at the thousandth joke. He makes them laugh. I crack a smile. Or half.
That makes my heart hurt. That I find it hard to join in.
I want my home to be a welcoming place where the kids can feel relaxed and as happy as possible. And I know that includes mommy laughing more.
So that's my goal this week, this month, this year and all the years to come. I want their memories full of laughter. Mine included.
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