hey jealousy

I trust my husband implicitly. We've been through too much for me to doubt him. Nothing bad - just almost 12 years of...much-ness. I can't think of a better term than that. We've been through tough things, as you would expect after so much time together. 

During our first year of marriage, I was jealous of every woman he talked to or about. The green-eyed monster would rear its ugly face until I knew exactly where that relationship stood and then I could feel superior. 

Now I know where my relationship stands and I don't feel threatened by every girl that comes into his life. 

But, yes, I've been jealous. I just never thought I'd be jealous of my husband. 

. . . . 

Everett: When will Daddy be home? 
Me: I don't know.
E: But when will he be home?
M: Soon.
E: Don't say soon! When will he be here? 
M: When he's done.
E: Just tell me! Grr Argg!

This conversation happens in some form every single day of my life. Both Penny and Everett LOVE their Daddy. And that's fantastic! I love that they love him and want to be around him. 

All the time. 

They'd pick him over me any day of the week. 

 

And that's the hard part. I'm the one who is home with them while he's at work but they constantly ask for Jason. To be quite honest, it hurts my feelings every time. I know I'm so lucky to have a husband who's involved in our children's lives. Too many live in ignorance of the importance fathers play in the lives of their kids. 

So I'm truly blessed. But that doesn't stop the sting of jealousy every time they ask for Dad instead of Mom. 

 

Jason is the fun parent. The "I'll play with you until my limbs fall off" parent. I'm more of the practical one. The "Get your shoes on, we're going to be late!" one. I've tried being the fun one who plays all the time. I'm just not very good at it. It's not my skill set. Jason says I need to practice more. And he's right. Practice would make it a little more natural for me. Instead I just compare myself to him and that is why I fail. 

I don't want to keep failing though. I truly believe there's no place for jealousy in a cohesive, happy family. So I'll keep trying to do a little better, play a little more, laugh more and remember that I'm grateful for what I have.