We never talk anymore. I can't even remember the last conversation we had that wasn't in person. That's been a long time. And it's my fault. I really dislike talking on the phone. It feels awkward. I'm a visual person and not being able to see your expressions and dramatic hand gestures puts me at a loss. Even as a teenager I had a hard time with the phone. What to say, what to bring to the conversation that hadn't already been said a hundred times before. After you've filled me in on your life, I feel stuck. What to say now? My life revolves around Penelope. Every story begins and ends with her. I don't have much more of myself to bring to the table. She is my whole day and how many cutesy stories can you take? As for me, do you really want to listen to how I had a horrible withdrawal reaction to one of my bipolar medications? Want to hear about how I have nightmares that I'll be recommitted to the psychiatric hospital and never let out? Or how we put up the Christmas tree and Penny seems physically incapable of keeping her hands off it? Wait. Sorry. That's a Penny story. Again.
And that's really all the stories I have anymore.
But not liking to talk on the phone is a pitiful excuse. A pitiful excuse for not communicating and makes me a poor excuse for a friend. I miss your voice and hearing about you. And what about texting, emailing and Skype? In this day I could talk to you a hundred different ways without ever actually hearing a dial tone. So I'm sorry for failing you in this, for making excuses. Excuses are inexcusable.
You are family as well as my friend. I shouldn't put my phone-talking deficiencies ahead of hearing about you. Because that's why I should be calling - to hear crazy stories from your life since we feel so far apart. It's a poor excuse for friendship and, again, I'm sorry. I promise I'll do better.
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